At some point in your life, you will encounter a situation that is one for the books. Perhaps even so crazy it’s unbelievable. Especially when you manage to live to tell about it.
My story starts at 11:00 PM, Thursday night, when my friend, Jake and I decided that we’d break out of Downtown Los Angeles and travel into the deliciously bizarre world that is Hollywood and Vine.
When you’ve had enough of frat row and five dollar parties, you get put in an interesting position: get a fake id or go to a gay club. We went for the gay club.
We grab our phones and order an Uber.
11:11 – Jake and I are greeted by *Tom.
Uber Tom is blasting his favorite iHeartRadio station, “Evolution.” Dressed in a basic blue tee and khaki shorts, he’s rocking a fully shaven bald and asks us where we’re going:
“Tiger Heat.” We both answer.
Located in the historic, Avalon nightclub in Hollywood, Tiger heat is a collection of sweaty go-go dancers, crowded by young teens and the occasional menacing old man. It’s hot. There’s a fog machine and for only $12.00, you can listen to pop hits, find your Tinder date, watch music videos, dance to a flashing light show and get humped by straight men.
Needless to say……..
But what if I said this mind-boggling experience gets a bit crazier?
11:20 – Things began to take a turn.
Trying to keep things casual, the two of us strike up a conversation with Tom. We talk music festivals and his love of rave music. He claims that he goes to Avalon on Fridays and Saturdays AND that he’d be down to party with us that night.
11:25 – At this point, I’m laughing hysterically. Jake and I agree, thinking that he’s kidding. I mean, what uber driver would party with two of his riders?
Jake mentions that Tom can create his own hours, which should be incentive as to why he should party with us. That’s cool, We’re down.
11:39 – But then it happens. He pulls into a dark 7-11 parking lot and turns towards us – I wonder if this is the moment I’m going to die. Completely serious and straight faced, he mutters the words: “I’m coming with you guys.” Pause. No one is breathing for sure now. Then Uber Tom gets out, “You want some RedBulls? Be right back.”
11:40 – At this point, I don’t know whether to flip out or not. Jake grabs ahold of me, his eyes going wide. We had just convinced our Uber driver, in a dark parking lot. to come clubbing with us.
Panic is running through my entire body, because I know that my mother would not approve of this. I look to my left, there are cops just outside my window. Is it too late to ask for help? Should I have asked for help? Maybe it was crazy, but for the few minutes that we were left alone in that car, Jake and I pondered the pros and cons of partying with our Uber driver:
We could get an automatic ride home and maybe he wouldn’t be a creepy guy. Think about it, unfortunately Uber drivers get a bad rep, maybe I had settled on a goldmine: finding a non-creepy Uber driver in Los Angeles that’s down to party with me. Hey – that isn’t too bad, is it?
12:00 – After chugging down our RedBulls, we’re in line at the club with Tom. There’s no way he’s going to stay. Carly Rae Jepsen is doing a performance – Jake and I agree that Tom isn’t going to be into it at all. So if he is a creep, we’re good. He’ll ditch and we’ll be fine.
This is when things take yet another detour.
While Jake and I pushed to the front for Carly Rae, Tom hung out in the back, making friends of his own. I actually felt proud. It was like we had raised our own social butterfly. Tom was in our crew. He was now one of us. We were cool again.
1:00 – Carly Rae Jepsen comes on stage and doesn’t even sing, “Call Me Maybe.”
Sidenote: I don’t think Tom knew who she was, nor did he care about her performance, because we ended up losing him.
1:30 – I feel a tap on my shoulder. I see Tom, I’m slightly creeped out that he’s managed to find me in a sea of people but I decide to hang with him.
1:45 – Jake almost gets kicked out of the club and hey, the crew is reunited.
2:00 – Our night at the club is coming to an end, thankfully. We’ve lost Tom again, but being the social butterfly we’ve raised him to be, we knew he was out on the dance floor, making friends and tearing it up with his retro club dance moves. And we are alive.
We may never seen Tom again. In fact, the chances are pretty slim, but I will never forget the time I partied with my Uber driver. Pics or it didn’t happen? Well, we didn’t get a chance to photograph him, but I swear, this happened. And I live to tell the tale.
*All names have been changed for the purpose of this story.
Like several other hopefuls, I stood in line at the Barneys New York store in Beverly Hills, praying to get my hands on a new pair of Yeezys. It was 6 in the morning, and already more than 100 die-hard Yeezy fans crowded the line and of course, I managed to encounter the Supreme Annoyers. I can handle the pushing and shoving, hey – I get it. Yeezy Boosts are a hot commodity. Kanye designed a cool shoe and the world wants them. Some wanted them a little too much – no, let’s be real – way too much.
Shoe fans, as a public service, I’ve ranked their level of annoyingness for you from 10 being the very worst to 1 being manageable, so that when and if you have to deal with the die-hards, you can take a moment, reflect and wonder if telling them off or giving the that eye roll is your best defense.
Here are the top 5 WORST people you will ever encounter at a Yeezy release.
5. The anti-shoe.
Level of annoying: 5
The anti-shoe are a disappointing bunch. They didn’t win a raffle ticket to snag a pair, so their here to bring you down. A few hours before the shoe sold out, they were just as hyped as you, but now that they’ve lost their chance to impress their friends on Instagram, they could give less than two @$#!s about Kanye or his shoe. Their new mission: keep repeating how stupid people are for waiting in line for shoes…Here’s how to deal with them: don’t.
Level of annoying: 3
First of all, who let you come here? I think I have to talk to the parents on this one. You couldn’t stand in line, so you made your CHILD stay in the line for you? I mean, smart move. Small, agile, probably could sneak to the front if they were quick enough. But really, your child, who has to be less than 10? Come on now, is putting your child through this experience really worth it? Don’t get me wrong, she may be cute, she can bat her little eyes all she wants, she’s not getting in the way of me and my Yeezy Boosts.
3. Girls that have to stand in line for their boyfriends.
Level of annoying: 8
These are the girls that have my sympathy. Maybe they genuinely want to stand in line for their boyfriends, but if I were in their position, there is no love strong enough that would make me wait in line from six am to almost ten for sneakers. Some of these girls didn’t know anything about this shoe nor did they want to be there. And the worst part? They made sure to complain about it. For all of the line to hear. Guys, do us all a favor, don’t do this to your girl.
2. This guy.
Level of annoying: 8
I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that you wore the shoe or the fact that you brought your mini segway with you.
1. The overly confident man.
Level of annoying: 10
Let’s break down this sneaker head. The smartest one here – and troll of Yeezy Boost sales. He’s got his snap back and skinny jeans tight, his vape out cause he’s “chilling.” He’s excited and worst of all, he’s trying to get you hyped but only because he’s gone through this before. He has the shoe and can tell you the 50 other places to get the Yeezy Boost. Can’t get them at Barneys? He’s on his way to FootLocker and knows a guy – give him a call. Yes, because he was in fact giving out his number. And he’ll try to make you doubt yourself. This is the guy that gets in your head and recommends instead of the sleek Yeezy Boost to go, “cop a pair of Jordan 6s.”
On the heels of the critically-acclaimed “SBCR & Friends Vol. 1“ released on Dim Mak, Sir Bob Cornelius Rifo, aka SBCR, aka The Bloody Beetroots, unveils the highly-anticipated second volume. The six-track EP features SBCR originals in addition to rousing collaborations with Jayceeoh, Owl Vision and Razihel. While the EP has plenty of laser stabbing slammers such as “Frankenstein” and “Krack,” it is also sprinkled with sensuous electro interludes and ethereal melodies as heard in “Pizza House Party.” The closing track, “Rise & Fall” is filled with brooding piano chords and soaring synths – a balance of delicacy and density that only SBCR can master.