Hard Ticket To Hawaii – Skateboard Assassin
In a world where justice is neither swift nor equipped with nearly enough explosions, rest assured that special agents Dona and Taryn are on the trail of America’s deadliest (and most fashion forward) criminals. Diamonds, snakes mutated by toxic waste, side braid/mullet hairdos paired with more jorts than you could ever wish for, Hard Ticket to Hawaii is a movie for people with a discerning taste in action adventure. You like sex dolls? We got em! You like bazookas? Fuck yeah you like bazookas! So what would you do if someone used a sex doll as armor (which is really the best use for them) while shooting at you going five miles per hour on a skateboard? You’d blow that little shit and his plastic girlfriend right the hell up with your bazooka, which is always conveniently located in the backseat of your rockin topless Jeep!
If classic zingers in the form of what we in The Biz call “one liners” is more your bag, then you better put on your big boy denim cutoffs because this movie is JAM PACKED with them. You don’t believe me? Well fuck you! Try this on for size: “If brains were bird shit, you’d have a clean cage”. Yowza! Roll that in your heavy doobie and smoke it, pilgrim.
This ain’t your mama’s movie. Hard Ticket to Hawaii will pull at your heart strings while punching you in the taint. And you’re gonna love every grueling minute because you’re a nutcase.